I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
