I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
