omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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