Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
