My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
