I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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