So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
