Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize