You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My liver just had a heart attack.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
