I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
