your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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