i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
