so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is the high leading the old right now
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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