I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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