I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
