if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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