i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
