Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
