so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
where are you?
Hypothermia
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
