can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
