Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
