dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
