I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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