I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
