You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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