with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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