but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize