The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Im part way to drunk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
