why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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