i was born a porn star she said
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
50% drunk capacity currently
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize