i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
