he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
