I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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