In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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