I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
