I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
