I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
