the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
