Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize