K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
