i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
