A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
