She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
