Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
