I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
