Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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