Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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