I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And then my night got REAL pukey
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
