So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
