we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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