i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
