garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just gift wrapped bread.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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