mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she peed on how many people?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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