hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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