i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
