I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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