There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
