worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
