remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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