you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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