The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He shit in the fireplace
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
