she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
