Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
