Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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