you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
