You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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