This is not my ceiling
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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