He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize