i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
