I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
