Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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